When walking into Urban Outfitters, the first thing that probably catches is your eye is the enormous section of random stuff. Even though it’s fun to look at with friends, it’s honestly just a bunch a useless crap. Whether it’s a calendar of sexy men with puppies, a book of “Feminist Ryan Gosling”, a bottle opener iPhone case, a bendable Budha, or the insane amount of inappropriate and sexual gifts, this section has everything you want but will end up in the back of some shelf in your closet.
First off, we are going to address the part of this section that your mother would have a heart attack if she saw. From a WineRack bra to a game of Sexy Truth and Dare, Urban Outfitters has stocked their shelves with every naughty thing for your perverted brain’s content. Whenever I go to Urban Outfitters with my friends, we are automatically attracted to these things just to show off our immature selves and get some giggles, but when I go shopping with my mom, dad, or older sister, I find myself yanking them away from this stuff in humiliation. Out of all the useless crap at Urban Outfitters, this definitely is at the top of my list of things that boggle my mind as to why they exist.
There are hundreds of books that make no sense, such as a cookbook for marijuana, picture books of puppies or French fries, weird story books, like All My Friends Are Dead , or parodies of celebrities and events, like Feminist Ryan Gosling . I’ll admit, this part of the section has a use sometimes. My brother, being a hardcore Star Wars fan, loved the book Darth Vader and Son by Jeffrey Brown that I got him for Christmas, and my friends and I always love reading my friend’s copy of All My Friends Are Dead . I like these books. I think they are the best section of Urban Outfitters’ crap. However, Urban Outfitters goes too far yet again. Position of the Day (WARNING: May cause vomiting, fainting, or being extremely disturbed for eternity.) and High Times Cookbook, (Isn’t that technically illegal?) are just two examples of books that have scarred me for life.
Inflatable whales, mugs with fake porcelain dung inside, gummy bears the size of an infant, everything moustache: only a few examples the classic useless novelties that attract lots of attention at the store, but never makes it to the register. Honestly, who buys this? I will never ever use “Toilet Basketball” in my life… I promise. This stuff just takes up so much room that could be used for more cute clothes instead. I just don’t get it.
So obviously, this stuff has no use and does nothing for the store, right? Wrong. Although it makes no sense to own any of this, it attracts people into their store. It’s what makes Urban Outfitters different and fresh and, yes, hipster. Looking in the store window seeing shelves of hilarious crap makes people want to check out what the store has and what it’s about and why all that stuff is there. Next time you go to Urban Outfitters, spend some time in this section. I promise it’ll be fun and even though you won’t buy any of it, you will learn to appreciate why there is all this useless crap in Urban Outfitters.
Christina Barnes, Staff, and Ali Easter, Staff
Source:
http://harbinger.zcs.k12.in.us/zchs-publication/?p=3870